Monday, 13 February 2012

Rowing: The Rules

This post is inspired by this most excellent list of rules of cycling (and Steve T). It should also prove to you just how much of a judgemental bastard I am, if you haven't already realised.

Onwards! Dear Something About Rowing Readership, I present to you

THE RULES OF ROWING

#1 Obey the rules.

  
#2 Lead by example.



Everyone loves a 30mph headwind, let's face it. FEEL THAT GODDAM CONNECTION :D
#3 Guide the uninitiated.


Novices should be guided in the ways of rowing. HOW ELSE WILL THEY LEARN IF YOU DON'T SHOUT AT THEM gently tell them of the error of their ways?

#4 You row because you like pain.

 The sooner you appreciate this fact, the happier you'll be.


#5 

 You should not need telling again.

#6 Tanlines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp.

The rolling down of unisuits and wearing different tops to prevent The One Piece Tanline is completely unacceptable. You should aim to have your one piece tan for the entire winter. 


This is me at HRR 2010 (when I still had non- negligible hair!), looking like an idiot.

(Erica Bodman)
BEST. TANLINES. EVER.

#7 Calluses are to be cultivated and your hands kept completely badass.

Be proud of them. Don't let them ever go away!

Horrible liquid-y blisters should be popped by threading a (sterilised!) needle and thread through them (the thread absorbs some of the blister juice). Surgical spirit is also good for keeping them tough. It took me a couple of years to realise this, but keeping them moisturised is a really good idea. Let's be honest, cracks in the middle of your goddam palm are pretty fucking unpleasant.

#8 Embrace rowing in bad weather.

Rowing in bad weather is great - just think about all your competitors who have wussed out/have resigned themselves to bad outings. FUCK THOSE GUYS. 

Rowing in the rain does make the water flatter after all :-)
That said, rowing when there's ice out makes you a fucking idiot (see rule #16).

#9 It never gets easier, you just go faster.

Great quote pilfered from the Velominati:

 "Training is like fighting with a gorilla. You don't stop when you're tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired."  --Greg Henderson

#10 There is only one remedy for pain.

Make you opposition hurt more.

That extra 10 stroke burst might just break them. Third 500m? MAKE THEM KNOW WHAT HELL FEELS LIKE.

If someone starts making pain noises next to me while erging I up the pressure/rate if appropriate to try and crush their souls.


I genuinely do this. (I think there might be something not quite right with me.)

#11 Friends, family and social life does not come first. 

Rowing does.

*awkward look at mother*

*laughs awkwardly and changes the subject*

#12 The correct number of lycras to own is n+1.

where n is the number you currently own.

  I am currently epically losing the "Who has the most lycras in the house award" - the most is 16 :-(

#13 White lycra is a crime against humanity.

A white top half is acceptable, but shorts are a really bad idea.

Unless you're Alan Campbell. That's OK. Slightly overweight college rower? NOT OK AT ALL.

Photo credit - Peter Spurrier


To be honest, Italian National Team - still not OK. Have you got the mind bleach ready? Yes? Then scroll down:

..


...


....


.....


........












...........................





Photo credit - Adam Pretty

SWEET CHRISTING FUCK I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THAT.

#14 You should only wear *just* a rolled up one piece in a rowing context.

The number of people I see cycling to the boathouse when it's warm in just a one piece in Cambridge is just... offensive. Just roll the bloody thing down and put on a t-shirt.

#15 Cold weather gear is for cold weather.

Anyone wearing a splash jacket in a boat in the summer deserves to be thrown in my opinion.

#16 Look after the boat you row in.

You should never race in a dirty boat. That's really bad form - get some de-scaler and get cleaning!


I see general boat abuse a lot and it always pisses me the fuck off. People forcing riggers on/off, leaving boats unattended not tied onto trestles, smacking the fin putting the boat into the water, not tying them onto trailers properly (or not at all...).

At a regatta I once saw a single lying on the grass water side down, i.e. on the fin, and I almost threw up in my mouth. If the boat's owner had been there I would have directed many swears in their direction.

So much rage.

#17 Getting grit in your seat wheels is a crime.


The rowing gods will not be pleased.


#18 DON'T LET YOUR FUCKING BLADE HANDLE TOUCH THE FUCKING FLOOR.

FFS your hands probably in a horrible state as it is, don't make it worse by getting them infected because you just dragged your handles through rabbit droppings.

It also scratches them to shit so they don't last as long. See rule #16,

#19 Do all your chat before getting in the boat.

Appropriate technical discussion is fine but general chat is not (esp. from 6 and backwards in an VIII). Don't be this guy:



#19b If you have the breath for chat immediately after a race, YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

Do not be surprised if your 100m by 100m technical evaluation of the race you begin as you cross the finish line ends up with you being thrown in the lake.

#20 Pogies are acceptable.

If you think pogies make you a bit of a pussy, then you try training in Ely in -5 degrees in sleet. I think anything that means you can row for longer and harder is fair game.

 

That said, heated pogies are a step too far... (see rule #5)

#21 Racing in pogies/splash jackets makes you look like a tool.

You're basically advertising the fact that you're not pushing hard enough. Save them for the warm up only.

#22 Team kit is for members of the team.

This includes:
  • Fake/"acquired" Xchanging kit
  • Leander kit
  • GB kit you didn't earn
Kit swapping is fine of course, but for foreign/similar standard native club kit. A Polish all in one in the UK would be cool for example, whereas it's kind of not on flouncing around in GB team kit here if you've not been given it by the team.

#23 Sunglasses are to be worn in all weathers.

 
The correct way to wear your sunglasses when they're not shielding your eyes from the sun/snow/whatever is upside-down on your head/hat. If your sunglasses cannot achieve this, buy new sunglasses.


#24 When in a boat, one pieces should be rolled up. *ALWAYS*

I have alluded to this before. Again, the Cam in Easter term is a very bad place for this sort of thing.


 I also think this instructive flow chart should get another airing:


 This includes while wearing techtops too. I can never understand why you'd row with a one piece rolled down and have a gap. Weird.

BONUS IMAGE:

Source: That Leander Calender (!!)
#25 One pieces should be rolled up *over* shortsleeves/longsleeves (but not gilets, obvs.)

I am a bit of a nazi when it comes to this, I think because I have spent quite a while sculling where you don't want to catch your hands in loose tech tops etc. Most people in CUW think I'm weird for doing this but LALALALALALALALAL I'M NOT LISTENING.

#26 Rowing-suitable splash jackets may be worn in the boat (when it's badgering cold of course), but never raced in.

A contentious issue I know, so before you flame me to death, remember that splash jackets are not created equal.

A massive Godfrey splash jacket? Stash only - don't you wear that in the boat. (I swear those things have a hidden fusion generator because they make you SO BLOODY HOT.

A thin thing that's basically a waterproof tech top? I reckon this is OK for in boat use (though pay attention to rule #25). When I saw some GB lightweights doing this, I figured it was allowed :D

#27 No hoody/fleece wearing in the boat (except coxes).

You don't want to look like a novice after all!

#28 If you're rowing, you should be wearing a one piece.

Rowing behind someone when it's really bloody cold and they're just wearing leggings and a tech top and therefore have a bloody great gap exposing their lower back.... RAGE.   

#29 Do not over match your kit.

The only exception to this is while racing as matching crews obviously go faster. OBVIOUSLY.

Ideally, you should not wear any of your current club's kit while training and aim to wear the most clashing, un-matching kit you can. Bad kit days = normal days.

This is my housemate demonstrating this (though he is breaking rule #30)

Yeah John! :D

#30 Never wear leggings under your unisuit.

YOU WILL LOOK LIKE A VETERAN MAN!!!!


I tried this once (and only once) to see why people did it. Apart from getting the piss ripped out of me by my coach it was the most uncomfortable thing in the world.

Avoid like the plague.

#31 Wearing wristbands with "WIN" or "HTFU" on makes you a massive douche.

1) We all like winning, you idiots.
2) If you need to wear something on your wrist to remind to HTFU, you need to HTFU. See rule #5.

In the course of blog research (i.e. googling "HTFU wristbands") I found that there is an entire douchy company that sells HTFU branded stuff. Here are the wristbands:

I think she needs to do something about those nails. You can't do cleans with nails like that.
 Also, these - the most inappropriate shorts for doing weights in ever devised.


Now I'm sorry, if you try and do squats in these, I'm pretty certain you would never see those pants again without surgery.



The mind boggles. It's rather NSFW due to it's slightly soft porn aspects, but here is the website for you to laugh at.

#32 The only part of the erg you should sit on is the seat.

Ergos should be treated with the respect they deserve. After all, they have the capacity of reducing a man to a blubbering wreck on the floor and you should respect that.



For example, standing on the sliders, sitting on the fan (?!) are all erg abuse of the wrong kind. Stick to trying to pull the badgering handle off every stroke!

#33 Erg sliders should be cleaned after use.

If you don't need to do this, you need to PUSH HARDER.

Extra man points are available for needing a mop to clean up post-ergo.

#34 If you're not pushing hard on the erg, you're sure as fuck not pushing hard in the boat.

PUSH HARDER.

(See rule #5)

#35 Not completing a 2k will earn you eternal judgement.

The only time it's acceptable to stop in a 2k is if you've capsized.


#36 The purpose of competing is to win.

It's not about the kit or the blazer or the "taking part".

After losing my first boat race, my grandmother said something along the lines of "Well it's OK, you have a Blue and it's the taking part that counts."

I very nearly punched her in the face.

#37 Be self sufficient.

As a rower, you should know how to rig a boat, how it works and how to fix it (within reason - I certainly couldn't rebuild the bows of a boat out of carbon fibre).


You should know what your blades need to be geared on and whether you should change it if it's blowing a gale at Holme Pierrepont (although that never happens *rolls eyes*).



You should always carry a 10mm.

Biggest 10mm spanner EVER.
You should also know when it's broken! Is your rigger rattling? YOU BADGERING IDIOT.

#38 Things that make erging more comfortable are lame.

This includes the "C Breeze", which blows air onto you as you erg (and presumably alters the resistance...)


*EDIT* (via N. Acock) - Would you row behind someone with a C-breeze on their head? Here is a helpful flow chart:


 Also fluffy seatpad and handles?!?!?!?!? Strap on a pair!


#39 Training starts on time. No exceptions.

Your competitors will be starting on time.

#40 Don't make your excuses before you race.

STFU and refer to rule #5. Same holds for post race.

And no, don't blame your rigging (see rule #37 and change it).

#41 Erg chat is bad chat.

We honestly don't care what your 2k is, boat speed is the thing that counts.


You learn this the hard way when you're getting your ass handed to you in a 1x by someone with a 2k 20s slower than you. I have been there and it is humbling.

#42 Simply owning a copy of 'Rowing Faster' does not make you row faster.

Some training is involved.


#43 Don't be intimidated by other people's lycra/boat.

They could just have rich parents and own a copy of 'Rowing Faster'. Doesn't make them fast. Take them the fuck out in your beaten up 20 year old Janosek! (It'll feel great!)

#44 mp3 players are for the land. Under no circumstances should they be worn in the boat.

I have heard anecdotal evidence of people stopping during races to change the track on their iPod and of training on the Cam while listening to music.

Ridiculously unsafe. See rule #5.

I have also rowed in an VIII with someone who listened to her mp3 player so she didn't have to listen to the coach. Really bad form.

#45 No gloves. Ever.

Not even for the Boston Marathon. See rule #5

#46 Do not change your rigging while on the water.

Sounds a bit like common sense, but I have done this, to my shame (I dropped both washers and the spanner into the lake at Nottingham :D).


Also, you know those washers you sometimes get which are like little clips so you can take them out and change the rigging easily? Well yes, their unofficial name is "Ping Fuck washers" as they will ping out, fly across the field/river and you'll say FUCK really loudly.

Your boatman will hate you if you lose your ping fuck washers!

#47 When rigging an eight, don't put the shell on three trestles.

Your boatman will explain why.

#48 Don't try to help me carry by boat unless I ask.

There is nothing more horrible than you casually carrying your boat LIKE A BOSS when someone randomly grabs the bows and you think "SHIT FUCK SHIT I'VE JUST HIT MY BOWS AGAINST A TREE SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK".

#49 Anyone who calls themselves a rower should be able to do a pull up.

Also, there is a difference between a chin up and a pull up. Here is are a couple of instructive diagrams:



Basically chin ups are easy and pull ups are not. Therefore, doing one chin up doesn't count I'm afraid. (Justification: pull ups with a wide grip are good for your lats and therefore good for rowers. Chin ups are basically just bicep curls and therefore only good for impressing girls in a "which way to the beach??!?!?" sort of context. I'm all about the rowing-centric muscle on this blog :D)

Also, here is a really cool video of an awesome guy doing awesome things which we should all aspire to do:



HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!?

One of my aims for the season is to be able to do this, a 'muscle up'. 


It's like a pull up with a sort of tricep dip at the end! Woo!

#50 If you row in 1x you should be able to carry your own boat on your own.

OK, if you're sculling in a 50 year old wooden clinker that's different, but modern singles are only about 15kg. C.f. rules #5, 37.

Exception is in high winds. No one wants to see a single embedded in a tree (rule #15). Though, PRO TIP = if it's windy, carry your boat with the water-side into the wind so the wind doesn't catch the footwell and try and carry your boat into orbit. (I bet you didn't ever expect to learn anything useful on here :D)

########################################

OK, that's all I can think of for now (and it spookily came to 50 without me trying to make it a nice number (i.e. factor of 5, power of 2). OOooooooooo. PLEASING.

Some really obvious ones will have been missed out through stupidity, but stick any glaring omissions in the comments and I will add them on the bottom.

Night!

**EXCITING EDIT** Now in poster form! :D

92 comments:

  1. #12 - Lycra win ;)
    #24 - That's "allude" not "elude" - just being a pedant...
    #31 - I have no particular objection to those shorts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Changed :-) Thanks O great pedant!

      Delete
    2. Good news about the shorts, I'll wear a pair to weights tomorrow.

      Delete
  2. Awesome post!

    #32 - Clare Boat House ... with RADIATORS??? WTF has happened there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think we ever switch them on...

      Delete
    2. And who got rid of the Model As? :-)

      Is that road sign Hills Road? ISTR its been there a long time ... also, are showers still operated by pulling a chain?

      Delete
    3. The picture seems to have disappeared?
      I can't remember if we have a Hills Road sign, we definitely have a Clare Road sign that we've had for years and years.

      Showers - yes and they are awesome in their primativeness, if a little like what I imagine a victorian prison had by way of cleaning facilities...

      Delete
    4. Ah - the Clare Road sign! I'd forgotten! If you still have access to CBC Boathouse, have a look-see if there's a little Novice Fairburns plaque from 1988 - it's got my name on it :-)

      Delete
  3. Should be printed out and hung up in boathouses everywhere.

    "if you try and do squats in these, I'm pretty certain you would never see those pants again without surgery" - LOLOLOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did very much enjoy writing that sentence, yes :D

      Delete
    2. you might not see them againn but hot girls wearing those is A MUST

      Delete
  4. This post almost makes me want to take up rowing. Very cool :) also I now feel like a wimp ... maybe I should take up weights, or something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WEIGHTS ARE AWESOME.

      Yours,

      Someone who is completely unbiased.

      Delete
  5. Brilliant post!
    #18: wet blade handles are bad too, if harder to avoid (stop badgering splashing R****r!) Water plus grit- are you *trying* to scour all the skin off your hands?

    #19b: NO TALKING IN THE BOAT AFTER A RACE. If you can still talk you didn't push hard enough. You should have about enough breath to talk about how the race went when you get out of the boat, and not before. Possible exceptions: 3 cheers for the other crew in bumps, a gasped "good race" to the other crew in regattas, shouting at the idiot who drops out before your boat is clear of the line.

    #37b: This includes making sure that the boat you just used/robbed for bits is either rowable or clearly not rowable (ideally with an apologetic note). Discovering halfway down the Reach that the last person to use the 1x didn't tighten the rigger bolts- not pleasant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, 19b should definitely be added!

      I find that wet blade handles are only horrible if said blade handles are a bit gross and need cleaning (c.f. blue spongey ones, wooden ones).

      Delete
    2. Oh God, blue foam handles- who thought they were a good idea? Clearly someone who thought either that rowing doesn't take place on water or that keeping the blade in your hands is optional...

      Delete
    3. I agree BLUE HANDLES SHOULD JUST FOAD.

      I have made CUW replace the stupid blue outside hand with a nice green one.

      Blue ones are also like 4mm thicker! I mean WTF were they thinking?

      Delete
    4. The Croker blue handles are quite nice if they're totally clean. Obviously they gradually become impossible to use as they get even a little bit mucky, but when freshly cleaned you actually get a really nice grip with them.

      Delete
  6. Great list, lots of agreement from me! Just one objection - a C-Breeze is ok, after all if you can reduce the temperature a little you can train harder (especially when doing HR capped training)... Surely that is in the spirit of tough training?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tis a fair point, but they just look so LAME :-/ Move ergo outside instead?

      Delete
    2. Fair point, but does the person front of you in a boat wear a c-breeze on his head?

      Anna, In your next blog I'd like to see a flow chart of the options here please.

      Delete
    3. A flow chart can be produced, yes.

      Delete
  7. I like your blog. A lot.

    50 is a nice number .... math; where's the square ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh god you're right *rocks in a corner till another 14 rules can be found*.

      I think it might be OK as fifty is the smallest number that is the sum of two non-zero square numbers in two distinct ways: 50 = 1^2 + 7^2 = 5^2 + 5^2 AND it's also the sum of three squares, 50 = 3^2 + 4^2 + 5^2.

      (Thanks wikipedia for getting me out of that one).

      Though if I add another one to make 51, that's a prime :-(

      Delete
    2. OH GOD 51 ISN'T EVEN PRIME. What is wrong with me? :-(

      Delete
    3. 151 is, clearly you need another 101 things.

      Delete
  8. What about never ever stop for swans/ducks/dogs on any account ever. It is their fault if they get in the way of your course!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Swans get out of your way, thats how it works!!!!
      The only exception is ducklings, a friend of mine hit one with his blade whilst sculling - not a pretty sight :/

      Delete
    2. Swan don't get out of your way, I've broken a bow ball off a single on one that didn't.

      Delete
    3. Never get out of a kayakers way. You row, you rule.

      Delete
    4. I know a guy who has a row of ducky stickers on his boat; one for every hit. It's an impressive set of stickers.

      Delete
    5. Ha! You could have a similar one for logs, or, if rowing on the Tideway, old fridges.

      Delete
  9. PS Love this blog, been looking for something like this for a long time, that's the trouble with having non rower friends; they just don't just don't understand any of my rants!

    ReplyDelete
  10. "You should know what your blades need to be geared on"

    Definitely remember this not being the case for the Fairbairns IV when I coxed.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Isobel - here's hoping the Cambridge News don't get a whiff of your (first) comment...! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh if only they knew the things I had done to animals (purely rowing related by the way!)

      Delete
  12. You need to mention something about core. NEVER ENOUGH BADGERING CORE!

    Also, etiquette for when it is acceptable to throw the cox (and other rowers) in. AKA J14 girls for getting bronze....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will add both of these at some point - thanks!

      Delete
  13. I love #2, I remember going out in a blizzard last year, and by then end my boat weighed about 10kgs more from all the ice and snow that had formed on it. Made it more like a weights session.

    #13 TSS have red shorts, not sure of any clubs with white shorts!

    #14 That's usually a sign of a novice or a vet, people doing weights or circuits in a rolled up all in one should be taken to one side and be made to see the error of their ways.

    #16 I know someone who never cleaned his boat, and one day someone cleaned it by accident thinking it was someone else's. The owner of the boat then complained that he couldn't sit the boat now it was clean!

    #19 I don't know if it's just me, but if someone in the boat keeps giving me 'advice', especially when I know for a fact that they do the same thing, or are just not very good, it makes me want to kill them repeatedly.

    #21 I raced in a splash jacket (not a massive baggy one) at Champs last year because it was literally a monsoon, and I was so wet while waiting for the start that all my kit was stuck together and there was no way of taking it off, there should definitely be an exception for this ;)

    #22 Wearing squad kit is excellent, mostly because it annoys people who think they are better than you. I have loads of GB/Leander kit because my first coach rowed at Leander, and just gave people stuff that had been left in lost property for too long. I only wear the Leander tech top though, because it is sooooooo comfy, the rest is emergency kit for training camps.

    #23 Mine are at the bottom of Dorney Lake :(

    #24 Most real clubs have rules against topless rowing . . .

    #39 That's the most annoying thing in rowing, when people are late.

    #44 If you are listening to music, how can your be aware of your surroundings? Should definitely be banned.

    I shall have to think of some of my own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wearing kit to which you are not entitled should be punished excommunication. If you want the kit, earn it.

      Delete
    2. But I don't want the kit, I just have it . . .

      I'd also suggest it's worse when someone rowing for said elite institution is beaten by us mere club rowers. How embrrassing for the pink kit they are wearing.

      Delete
    3. Well clearly, if you're entitled to it, you're also there to be shot at :-)

      Delete
  14. Not relevant to the list but worth watching if you row...
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwzsTAwmoUE

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anna, could you actually make this into a massive poster so we really could hang it in boathouses everywhere??? (2012 Raise to Race idea? Easier to store than mugs...) At least A1 size Pretty Please!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susannah, I think you might be a genius! I shall look into this :D

      Delete
  16. Rule 65536: Stick Rowing Men Are Not Evil. --from the creator of http://www.usrtriton.nl/img/bb_starb.gif

    ReplyDelete
  17. Excellent illustrations and funny! Thanks for reminding us the beautiful painful hilarious days of rowing in Cambridge

    ReplyDelete
  18. but.. you're a woman and we all know women's rowing is shit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (Bet I can bench more than you though). LULZ.

      Delete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Fucksocks! I am so stoked to learn this new word. Fucksocks! Fucksocks! Fucksocks!

    Thank you for this post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very glad to have added to your swearword vocabulary! :D

      Delete
  21. Anna, don't change a thing to your top 50. it's perfect as is

    ReplyDelete
  22. People who wear GB kit they haven't earned should be forced to remove it pre-outing and then carry out the session in whatever kit they have remaining. If they thereby flout The Rules then they will be punished accordingly.

    Also I have just realised that where I have been going wrong in rowing has nothing to do with my training, nutrition or recovery. It is because I do circuits and weights in a rolled-up onesie (seriously though, you don't want to catch your thumbs on your t-shirt when you're trying to pick up your own bodyweight, throw it in the air and catch it on your shoulders...........do you?) and raced the final of W1x at nat champs last summer in a non-matching rolled-down all-in-one and a scuzzy pink running top.

    Also, yes please to the poster. It might be too controversial for Mortlake (the veterans will, as ever, complain) but I can see it fitting in extremely well in my and Ed's living room :-) If you could make the gratuitous nearly-naked picture of Mr Reed extra large that would also be appreciated ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frankie, I am onto the publishers of that Leander calender, don't you worry :-)

      And how the badgering hell do you catch your thumbs while cleaning? (Tuck in the t-shirt or sommat?)

      Delete
    2. Er. I think actually I smack myself in the knees / boobs / shins while cleaning. I just generally don't like clothes flapping around while I'm training. Also. Is sports-bra-and-rolled-down-lycra more or less acceptable for doing circuits in than rolled-up-lycra...?

      Also as a random aside, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it's nearly summer racing season I can't wait!

      Delete
  23. Boy, sure am glad you know it all. You must be a great rower.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, I'm a great rower in the same way you are a delightful and interesting person both on and off the internets.

      Seriously, it's a light-hearted article on a blog about rowing. It contains an anecdote about me wanting to punch my own grandmother. Clearly not taking myself that seriously.

      In future, please save your vitriol for comments on youtube videos about cats/Rebecca Black. You will be among your kind there. You know that empty yearning you feel in your heart? There it will be sated! There you will find yourself!

      I wish you all the luck in the world in your voyage of self discovery.

      Yours,

      The Internet

      xx

      Delete
    2. Actually she is a great rower. Since you ask (so nicely, too....).

      Delete
    3. Anna, you are brilliant. One, for the blog, two for this reply.

      Delete
  24. OK.. just stopping by to point out that since I noticed the existence of this blog (which was kindly introduced to me [and other people] by our men's captain with this, and I quote: "Anyway, stop faffing and learn these. There will be a test." [cue link to "Rowing: The Rules"]) an hour and a half ago, I haven't stopped laughing yet :D

    Great wit, great drawings, basically great stuff :)

    < a random 'Bridge rower and physicist >

    Also, note to self: Rule #5 :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent - I love to think that LBC's everywhere are just sighing to themselves and forwarding this round email lists :-)

      Delete
  25. Epic rules! Generally obeyed, buuuut....
    Can we have an Aussie exclusion for considering ownership of a C-Breeze? It's often >30C and >90% humidity here; you can never get the fan angle *just right*, my sweat lake is threatening to destroy Queensland's banana crop (I sweat, Evan 'glows'), and I refuse to give in to the coal-baron fuckwits and use the A/C...
    PS. Any rules regarding setting off for the Boston Marathon with a Camelbak mouthpiece wedged cheerfully and optimistically between your teeth...? :P

    ReplyDelete
  26. You are my future bride; the sooner you come to terms with it, the less awkward the wedding will be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! I very much doubt you would say that if you met me in real life :D

      Delete
  27. I love this. It's brilliant. As to #46: I always called them "flippies" but I do like "ping fuck washers" much better. I will use that term now. And anyone who can teach Pete Cipollone a new word that has not been heard on the Schuylkill is okay in my book. I think Fucksocks is awesome too. Thanks for this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just googled Pete Cipollone :-o

      "ping fuck washers" unfortunately not my invention of word (you know what I mean) - I know a boatman who calls them this :-)

      Delete
  28. The Cam in winter, so very cold!

    I live just outside Ely, and erg/row/run, not been in a boat yet, but some of the most miserable times have been on my bike or running through the fens.

    ReplyDelete
  29. #51 - If you have a coxswain, the only reason you should look out of the boat is to make sure that your puddle is the biggest one on the (starboard/port) side.

    ReplyDelete
  30. this whole post made me angry. Fuck you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not sure how to reply to this so I'll leave it at ':-('

      Delete
    2. It's the fluffy seat pad thing isn't it?

      Delete
    3. YARGH: So FUCKING ANGRY @ fluffy seat pads.

      Delete
  31. Very funny! Go Cambridge!

    I'm into sailing and kayaking rather than rowing, and when at Catz could never see what all that getting up early in the freezing cold was all about but maybe I missed something.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Last I checked, 50 was not a power of 2...

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anyone who has time to write 19 separate Rules involving how to wear, or what clothing to wear is spending too much time writing rules and not enough tine training.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blimey, there are that many kit related ones?

      Anyone who has time to count the number of kit related rules in a rowing blog clearly spends too much time counting rules and not enough time training.

      :p

      P.S. Tell that to my burning glutes and see what they say! :D

      Delete
  34. why dont you put an 8 on three trestles? no one i ask knows why

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, so when you're attaching the two pieces of an VIII together, having three tresles (two on long bit, one on short bit) on will most likely mean that your bolts are not going to line up properly --> trash the joining bolts. If you have one on the long bit, one in the join, a helpful person on the end of the small bit can help line up the bolts with the holes.

      Delete
  35. Rule 44 Adendum A
    -----------------

    MP3 players are acceptable if wired into the coxbox by the coxswain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed. Especially if they are playing such quality as this: http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/What+Is+Love/3vb4t6?src=5

      *dances in office*

      Delete
  36. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  37. LOVE your rules. And the blog in general. Have now wasted a substantial portion of my life leafing through every entry. Thanks to you I now truly DREAD my next 2k, though at least I know I will not be alone in my pain. I must ask though if you think the figures in rule 1 may already be breaking rule 3... Or maybe I should just see rule 5.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AHAHAHAHAHA! Well, think how much of my life I've wasted writing this thing :)

      And I see what you mean about the Rule 1 figures breaking Rule 3... never considered that! D:

      P.S. Courage legs for your 2K :)

      Delete
  38. Marvin O’Gravel Balloon Face McCave (aka Dave)31 October 2013 at 16:39

    Just discovered your blog. Love it. Feeling a strange compulsion to turn this into a marriage proposal. Scrolling back in the comments I see I am not the first ... and from another Dave!! Hehehe. About time for another post dontchathink? Or are you considering a move to somethingaboutcycling? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I think at some point I will change the title (though not the web address obvs.) to Something About Cycling... and also get round to doing a post! I have been very bad recently :( I'm going to blame my PhD.....!

      Delete
  39. Rowers who use the bathroom between dropping the boat in the water and getting in the boat should be shot! - Really grinds my gears!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! That never happened much when I was rowing, surprisingly (given 30 girls + one toilet, you'd have thought it'd be more of an issue!)

      Delete